Voice mail is a topic that I debate with my wife on every now and then, but lately this has come up more frequently, at least enough so to bore you to death with it.  As my abuse of Office Technology series continues, take a trip with me on the how’s and how not’s of voice mail are explained.

Image credit: http://flickr.com/photos/ninjaguy82/38962291/
Here are some common pitfalls when it comes to using voice mail.

• Keep it brief – There is no need to leave a James Michener novel on someone’s voice mail.  That is not the purpose of it.  Voice mail is there for you to basically leave something quick that can be digested and then deleted without needing a court reporter to take down all the crap you want to leave.  Nobody wants a 5 minute voice mail.  That is what the phone conversation is for.  Give out the Cliff-Notes and then discuss the book later when you have more time.
• State your purpose – Mystery voice mails are my least favorite.  If you call and leave a message, at least say why you are calling so you can give the person on the other end a heads about what you want to talk about. 
• Stay focused – Some are not able to leave a voice mail and stay on task.  You can tell that they had something bright flash in their eye, were driving, typing on the computer, talking to someone else, or doing any number of things that prevented them from making any sense while leaving you a message.  Don’t trail off.  Speak.  Be done.  Move on.
• Other forms of communication – If you are going to leave a voice mail and plan on sending an email as well, I guess that is fine, but you are wasting time.  Do one or the other, not both.  And if you do both, try not to say in your voice mail “Hey, I am going to email this to you, too.”  That person can never reply to you because they are too busy checking all the crap you have left behind in your wake of technology abuse.

If all of that is too confusing, I have a handy template below for you.  It contains no pictures, but you should be able to handle it.  Below is an example of what not to leave:

“Hey Bob, this is your buddy Justin calling.  Remember when we were listening to the Rod Stewart Greatest Hits album the other night? Man, I love Rod.  Anyway… sorry, just dropped the phone….  Where was I?  Man, it is hot outside.  My back is pouring with sweat.  Oh yea.  I am driving back home right now, but wanted to ask you about those plaid underwear of mine.  I think they are still nailed to the mailbox out front.  If you get this message, can you call me at home or on my cell phone or at work and let me know if you took them down before the mailman gets there?  Oh, I will shoot you over an email too just in case you don’t get this.  See ya bud!”

T.M.I. Here is what Justin should have said:

“This is Justin.  This is pretty important.  I am calling about my plaid underwear on your mailbox.  Call me on my cell.”

If you can adhere to those simple rules above, I promise you people will stop talking about how stupid you are behind your back.